Monday, December 13, 2010

Christmas Special: American Dad Kills Santa!

Some days I feel sorry for my wife.  She's stuck in a house with two guys (one 53 and the other 13 and together they hit an age of about 5 on most days) who love moronic and potentially emotionally upsetting humor.  I'm gonna be an adult and assume part of the responsibility.  No one should ever have left me in charge of children.  I tend to point out the macabre and twisted with the same passion I point out the noble and virtuous.  You just can't have one without the other, folks.  You don't get just one side of a coin.  Even a double-headed quarter will have more imperfections on one side than the other.  Ask Two-Face.

My wife and I grew up with Charlie Brown Christmas (which I ordered for her this week so she can show it to her class), and other Christmas classics involving Rudolph and Frosty the Snowman.  These were all cheery little productions designed to make kids feel all warm and tingly during the holiday season.

Chandler is geared more for Family Guy, American Dad, and South Park.  He gets all the insane humor, jokes, and twisted views of the world.  And he's corrupted me into enjoying many of the same shows.  Just for clarification, though, Chandler and I do watch Generator Rex, Batman:  Brave and the Bold, Sci-Fi Science, and Brink together as well.  We believe in heroes and we share an interest in science and emerging technology.

We put the tree up last night because we actually got behind this season with school and stupid sickness which I hope means we'll be healthy for Christmas.  Putting the tree up generally involves watching Sherry get everything together and make it all happen.  Watching her micro-managing Chandler as they put the lights and the beads on the tree was hilarious.  Much barking and emotional drama ensued, and it was only further complicated by the tomcat pouncing on the various strands of whatever they were working with.  It was a funnier Christmas tree decorating sessions than I've seen in a long time.  You'd think two people would pull this off easily.

While the tree decorating was going on, Chandler watched the Family Guy Christmas special, which was pretty funny when Stewie and Brian had to fill in for a sick and ailing Santa.  I mean, c'mon.  Who wouldn't love watching the two of them arguing over how Christmas was supposed to be done?  Only take a bite of the cookie and sip the milk.  Instead, Brian eats all the cookie, drinks all the milk, and decides to go into the kitchen to make a sandwich.  While there, the man of the house discovers them (they had to break in because they couldn't get the cannibalistic reindeer to cooperate) and they kill him and put him in the closet.

Sherry was shocked and offended by this "Christmas" special.  Chandler and I were in tears because we were laughing so hard.

In fact, Chandler got so immersed in the story that he started hanging all the Christmas bulbs on the same branch.  Sherry stopped handing them to him and him why he was doing that.  He looked at her and stated, deadpan, "It's hard to find really good branches."

I lost it and thought I was going to die.

Then we swung into the American Dad Christmas special.  Stan gets Steve an AK-47 assault rifle for Christmas so they can attempt to bond.  Steve accidentally kills a Santa standing unseen behind a snowman.  When Stan runs the guy's prints, they aren't in the system.  Francine discovers the body and makes the family bury it, and she gripes about the fact that they wouldn't let her cut off the dead man's hands and bash out his teeth.  Stan and Steve and Hayley are appalled, but Francine says they should do this right if they're going to do it.

After that, the family discovers it's all-out war and Santa has sworn to kill them.  Chandler and I were in stitches when Stan and the family break out automatic weapons and start gunning down Santa's elves and reindeer.  It was a classic war movie in minutes, and Chandler and I were laughing so hard we were about to pass out.

Poor Sherry.  She sat there trapped in the room with us and undoubtedly wondered how she could have gone so wrong.  Christmas with a bodycount!  Maybe it's not a new Christmas tradition many families can embrace, but Chandler and I know these shows put the fun back into the holiday spirit by spinning it on its ear and being so outlandish.

1 comment:

the Suburban Monster said...

I love your story, and I can relate. We are huge fans of American Dad! over here.