Adventures In Writing

Get Your Attention?

Not even Sean Connery can pull off this look.

I wanted to get your attention and tell you a story, and I went looking for artwork that kind of depicted what I wanted to say.  Obviously, I missed, but this was one of the gentlest pics you get when you search for "nearly nude male."  I was shocked, shocked, I say, at what some people consider nearly nude.

Anyway, a short time ago we ended up at the hospital with my son and the subject of nude pictures came up.  Anyone who knows me and my twisted sense of humor will understand -- or, at least, not be too surprised.

The event started at 1:30 in the morning.  Yep, the a.m.  My 12 year old and I were up late because there was no school.  We had the dogs in because it was cold outside.  Max, our 125-pound Labrador/behemoth, was experiencing a nightmare, according to Chandler.  Chandler decided to wake him up because Chandler doesn't care for nightmares himself -- too many zombies.

When he wakes Max up, Max freaks and bites him on the head.  Blood goes everywhere from a scalp wound.  He came to me, his face a mask of blood, and tells me that he needs help.  Normally he spazzes at the sight of blood, but he couldn't see that the only things not covered by blood were his eyes.  He looked like a victim in a gore fest.

Calmly, I compressed the wound and woke his mom.  I didn't notice the sirens in the background because I was busy.  Of course, she promptly spazzed upon seeing the blood.

We ended up in the ER because we needed antibiotics.  The wound was deep, but bites never get sutured because of the risk of infection.

I went to the check-in desk.  The young receptionist asked me for ID.  My wife and son were at my side, he was covered in blood, but my humor comes on me during stressful times as well.  There's no explaining it.  Funny is just a reflex with me.  At least, in my mind stuff is funny.  My wife often disagrees and tells me my humor needs to be recalibrated or filtered.

I asked the receptionist if she wanted nude or non-nude ID.  My face was dead-pan, my voice was serious.

She gawped at me, then laughed nervously and told me she preferred non-nude.  I said sure, and handed my driver's license over.

I also told her I was willing to swap nude IDs.

Sadly, she declined.

But, after we were put into the treatment room, she came and checked on us frequently and told other people about us.  They all came to see us really soon.

The moral of this story is that if you shock people who would otherwise expect you to be sedate (cowlike), they will remember you and deal with you in a timely manner.

Or maybe they're just afraid to leave you in one of their rooms...alone.